Fleeting Thoughts

Two weeks ago, I ran my first workshop on self-care and sustainability and, while I don't like tooting my own horn, I can say, it was a complete success, and I am looking forward to running many more.  For a long time, I have been toying with the idea of passing on different forms of self-care, but it only occurred to me last year that there is a connection between self-care and sustainability. 
 
​​Sustainability is a big buzz word, but let's be honest, who wants to hear another lecture about how to up-cycle, separate the trash, or not to fly so much? We all know that! It's getting boring, the buzz is un-buzzing. But this is not about buzz anymore, it's about much more. But that’s the part that makes it difficult. It’s overwhelming. It’s too much. It’s not manageable, so we tend to put the head in the sand, or under the duvet, and try to ignore what’s going on, hoping, that it’ll pass, somehow, that there will be a miracle. So, I thought, let’s go back to the basics. 
 
Me, myself, and I. 
We usually start to care when we are personally affected. We are of this world, and while we take it for granted, many of us are so far removed from nature that they only see it in documentaries. How can we appreciate this planet and all its riches when we don't see and feel the connection? We buy our goods around the clock, nicely wrapped up in plastic, in supermarkets. When something’s sold out, we can be sure that the shelves get filled up. We love to chase bargains, the cheaper the better. That's how we live, and we are blind to the fact that we are biting the hand that feeds us. 
 
 
 
What we have on the inside, we find on the outside. When I smile at other people, they smile back.
Would we treat the world better if we saw it as an extension of ourselves and vice versa? I think it depends. If we loved ourselves and cared for ourselves, I would say yes. But if we haven't learned to love ourselves and take good care of ourselves, how could we take care of anything outside of ourselves? 

There are many ways to care for ourselves, and they are all valid. What a cucumber mask is for one, is a massage, Tai Chi or yoga for another. Others get their hair or nails done or buy something beautiful.  
 
What all forms of self-care have in common is care and love for oneself. However, I believe that too often we try to show this love with material things, while what we need is often something else. 
 
Time.
Spending time with someone we love is a precious way to show appreciation. Spending time with ourselves is too.
​When we take a moment to sit and breathe, when we question, reflect and listen to ourselves, we can come to new realisations about our needs and our lives. 
Maybe we realise that we need more alone- time or more social contacts, more rest, or more exercise, more joy or less hassle. We might develop a wish to feel better and enjoy our livesmore. We may realise that we are impatient, stressed, and tired, or that we speak unkindly to ourselves and others. We might realise that it’s time to set a boundary with someone close to us, or that we would like to make new friends. 
 
Sustainability starts with us, within ourselves. If we don't enjoy our lives, what's the point in saving them? Maybe the world is in the state it is in because too many people don't really care for themselves.


The Art of Living.
In German, the art of living is called Lebenskunst. It is the ability to take life on life’s terms, to make the best of it, while enjoying ourselves. It is the balance between action and rest, indulgence and moderation, sensual pleasures, and asceticism.  The art of living has nothing to do with hedonism, the pursuit of pure pleasure. We live in a hedonistic world, we are fish in a sea of sensual impressions, accustomed to a constant stream of images, smells, and sounds. Unable to sit calm, silently and still, we are doing something all the time, forgetting that we are human beings.  We do not learn to sit with ourselves, giving time and space to thought and feeling.
We have stopped to grapple with a problem, instead we are used to expect and find an instant solution including an instant gratification. Our solution is to consume everything all the way. We drink up, eat up, shop and work till we drop. 
Whether we perceive this sea as a prison or ultimate freedom lies in our perspective and, at the end of the day, is our choice. Again, a choice we don’t always know we have. For some, the awareness, that “this can’t go on like this” might be borne out of an acute medical crisis, such as a burn-out, stroke or heart-attack. For others, the sign might be more subtle, such a depression, fatigue, a developing addiction, a sense of unrest or frustration. For many it is what’s going on in the world. Whatever it may be, we always have a choice and do not have to continue what doesn’t feel right.
 
Self-care inside out
The authors Göhlich & Zirfas (2007) see self-care as the starting point and goal of Lebenskunst. Self-care means to sit with the self, and to listen to our body, mind, and spirit.  What we eat, how we move and rest, our hygiene, they are all aspects of caring for ourselves. But there is more. 
  The body is the tool that guides us. It gives us the gut feeling, the pain in the neck, makes us feel sick and tired. Self-care means to listen and to act on it. Take a break, get a massage, stop worrying.
Self-care means to nurture kind, gentle thoughts towards ourselves and the rest of the world. Self-care means to listen to our passions and dreams and to find joy in whatever we are doing. If we don’t, we will get sick, and then we will get sicker.
 
Crisis as a Chance
The problem with us humans is that we think we know it all. Crises make us painfully aware that we do not. 
Biographical learning theory assumes that early on in our lives, we start to develop patterns of interpretation and behaviour which guide us through our lives. We develop opinions. To make sense, we divide the world into left, right, good, bad, black, white, up, down, easy, difficult etc. We perceive and judge and create the world based on our past experiences, through our individual pair of glasses – far, near, pink, or dark shades, we see what we know. We do what we know. We know what we know, and then suddenly, a crisis, and we just don’t know anymore.
 
The crisis might have developed over a period or might be the reaction to a one-off event, it might be external or internal, in any case, it is our perception of it that defines how we deal with it.
We might have had an idea about how things should go, had it all planned, and suddenly we must let go of that idea, must rethink, consider different angles, and find different ways to deal with what life throws at us. We are at our wit’s end, bordering on insanity. 
 
Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Unfortunately, it is a fact that most adults tend to rest on their laurels and are unwilling to change unless they face a crisis. And rather than embracing it, with a “Yes! This is the chance! This is the opportunity and challenge to find a new solution, a different way of doing something!”, most adults tend to insist on continuing doing what they have been doing. 
 
 “Why is this happening to me?” is a valid question, but by itself, it doesn’t lead anywhere in terms of dealing with and resolving the crisis. Crisis is an opportunity to check our view on life, it’s a chance to check in with ourselves. The earlier we move into acceptance of what is, ask “What can I do differently?” and change our way of approaching a problem, the sooner the crisis is over and the saner we’ll feel. 
 
Those of us who wear glasses, usually have our eyes checked in regular intervals, and as a result of the examination, have to get new lenses. Asking “why?”, will not change that fact. So, we throw ourselves into choosing a new frame, and our attitude will make it a pleasant or tedious undertaking. We always have thr choice of attitude. 
 
Often, we are not aware that we have a choice in how to respond to people, things, places, life. 
What we perceive as a crisis, is the awareness that our old patterns of interpretation and behaviour are not working. Nothing makes sense anymore! Perfect. Because we now have the chance to check our interpretations and behaviours and change our frame of mind. 
In my experience this is usually the only thing I can change, as my control over the rest of the world is, to my deep regret, somewhat limited.
 
By experiencing and accepting that we just don’t know anymore, we make room for new solutions and can learn new ways of thinking and doing. But. (There is always a but.) 
 
A new frame of mind doesn’t jump at you from out of nowhere. It needs conscious observation and awareness, and gentle developing, like a muscle. A muscle grows while it rests between workouts.  A thought can develop into a vision if we give it time. We can learn if we have time to digest the information. Giving ourselves time, gratefully inhaling and exhaling, learning to live fully, enjoying the moment, those can be the gifts of a crisis. And even if we already have an inner and outer self-care routine, it never hurts to question ourselves, our actions, and thoughts from time to time. You can't do too much self-care, because you automatically give some of it to the world, and that's the best way to sustain it. ​
 
 
 

Hello and Happy New Year!

I was away over the holidays. It was refreshing to meet some old and new friends, and now I’m back - full of energy which should last me until 10pm, at least.
 
Tomorrow is a new day, and if I want, a new year! What's a number? I love the fact, that I can restart the count at any time.  Just because I wake up cranky and with a grudge, I don’t have to hold on to it. It’s a choice. Every day. Every moment. To me that’s priceless freedom – having a choice of attitude and perspective. 
 
Any plans for 2023?
My plan for this year is to care even less about what others think of me. I don’t mean a resentful and roaring “I don’t give a f***!”, but rather a quiet, gentle, dumdidum-doobedoo, “I feel what’s right and I do it too.” 
 
I will continue writing my book, a process I started during the first Covid spring. It’s based on my master’s thesis and looks on the effects of growing up with alcoholism (and recovering from it) through the lens of adult education and lifelong learning, from a biographical learning perspective. 
 
Biographical learning theory assumes that our life history corresponds to our learning history and vice versa. Fun fact: Thanks to neuroplasticity we are capable of learning all our lives. Forget about “I’m too old”. We are never too old to learn, whether we do, is our choice.
Or is it?

Hands up, who likes change?
What, if, and how we learn as adults depends a lot on our learning and life experiences during our childhood and youth. Back then we developed the patterns of interpretation and behaviour that formed our perspectives and attitudes, which inform our choices in life.

Whether we grew up in alcoholic families or not, most of us don’t question those patterns. As adults we use them on autopilot and re-create what we have learned in our families - the familiar. Day in-day out, we do the same things, think the same thoughts. Who likes to change?  

There is nothing wrong with re-creating what is useful to us, our lives, the lives of others, and yes, let’s think big, the world! But, not only because of alcohol-, but other forms of ism, many re-create realities that are based on templates of pain, shame, guilt, and fear. Those states of mind are not only unhealthy on every level, they are also not conducive to  learning. 

​The power of Crisis
In adult education, critical events (cognitive and/or emotional irritations) are regarded as catalysts for starting learning processes in adults. 
​If big enough, crisis can lead to a sustainable transformation of cognitive and emotional schemata and perspectives, and contribute to re- structuring our biography.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Let's face it, the world is on fire. Crises, wherever you look. Who wouldn't want to escape?
But escapism is just another ism. 
Crisis is an individual experience, and it might take a while, before the pain threshold is reached. But once it is, crisis can change our personal story as well as our perspective and attitude towards the crisis, and life on the whole.

So, the book in a nutshell
People get into recovery because of personal crises. In recovery they learn new patterns of interpretation and behaviour. 
Q: How are learning and educational processes, and as a result, personal and professional biographies affected by growing up with alcohol(ism)? 
A: A lot!
Q: What can we learn from those who learned new patterns of interpretation and behaviour as a result of a personal crisis?
A: A lot! 
 
If you are interested in finding out more, let me know or stay tuned. 

​Have a wonderful day,
Pia