Fleeting Thoughts
- Published on
Life has a way of finding its own way. Since my last post, almost three years have passed. I got a full-time job and gave up my business. I finished writing a book, sent it out to an agent and a publisher, none of whom has replied yet. We bought a cottage by a small lake, not too far away from Joensuu, and I sang a lot of Karaoke.
Now the full-time job has almost run its course and I am thinking of getting into business again. Not right now, I'm on sick leave and just got out of bed. But sometime in March or April, once the full-time job is officially over and my mind cleared. Transitions need to be given time and space.
What are you going to do, people ask me. Well, I would like to work as a Death doula. Death Doula?! What's that? It's someone who sits with people who are dying. Or with those who are grieving. Or with those who want to talk about life and death.
The idea sprung on me last year, I was on sick leave for 2 months. Nothing physical, more on the mentally stressed and overwhelmed side and I realised that the job I was doing, wasn't good for me. I realised that my brain is not cut out for constant input without any time for reflection and depth.
So I lay on my sofa and just was. And then I talked to someone and the word "deathdoula" was uttered, and I sat up and asked "what?" Death doula, she said, what's that, I asked, and the rest is history, because I went through a training and am now certified and just want to be of service to people who are facing death. It doesn't matter, from which side, because we all are going there at some point.
Being a death doula is all about acceptance and not being able to change the outcome.
Life is all about acceptance, the only difference is that sometimes I can change the outcome. But if I can't, I go into acceptance. It's all about acceptance. Accepting people and their feelings, thoughts and opinions as they are. As a Deathdoula, I create and hold space. I just sit and listen. And if the client has nothing to say, I just sit and am with them. From One Human Being to another Human Being.
Life is all about endings and beginnings. People, jobs, hobbies, houses, pets - they come and go. What can we hold on to, in this stream of life? What are you holding on to, to keep you going? What have you let go? What would you like to let go? What, if anything, keeps you from doing so?
Those are some of the questions I think, are worth considering during a lifetime. There are many more, and it could well be, that I explore them here. More will be revealed.
So I let go of my business "Holistication". I still believe in the idea of holistic adult education, but it wasn't the right time for that business to flourish. I learned a lot at the time and have moved on. It's time for something new, to the other side of the river, joen toiselle puolelle. Will it be an independent business, or will someone employ me to provide my services? Time will tell. Everything comes together in its own time. Life has a way of finding its way.
Thanks for reading. Have a good day. Pia
Now the full-time job has almost run its course and I am thinking of getting into business again. Not right now, I'm on sick leave and just got out of bed. But sometime in March or April, once the full-time job is officially over and my mind cleared. Transitions need to be given time and space.
What are you going to do, people ask me. Well, I would like to work as a Death doula. Death Doula?! What's that? It's someone who sits with people who are dying. Or with those who are grieving. Or with those who want to talk about life and death.
The idea sprung on me last year, I was on sick leave for 2 months. Nothing physical, more on the mentally stressed and overwhelmed side and I realised that the job I was doing, wasn't good for me. I realised that my brain is not cut out for constant input without any time for reflection and depth.
So I lay on my sofa and just was. And then I talked to someone and the word "deathdoula" was uttered, and I sat up and asked "what?" Death doula, she said, what's that, I asked, and the rest is history, because I went through a training and am now certified and just want to be of service to people who are facing death. It doesn't matter, from which side, because we all are going there at some point.
Being a death doula is all about acceptance and not being able to change the outcome.
Life is all about acceptance, the only difference is that sometimes I can change the outcome. But if I can't, I go into acceptance. It's all about acceptance. Accepting people and their feelings, thoughts and opinions as they are. As a Deathdoula, I create and hold space. I just sit and listen. And if the client has nothing to say, I just sit and am with them. From One Human Being to another Human Being.
Life is all about endings and beginnings. People, jobs, hobbies, houses, pets - they come and go. What can we hold on to, in this stream of life? What are you holding on to, to keep you going? What have you let go? What would you like to let go? What, if anything, keeps you from doing so?
Those are some of the questions I think, are worth considering during a lifetime. There are many more, and it could well be, that I explore them here. More will be revealed.
So I let go of my business "Holistication". I still believe in the idea of holistic adult education, but it wasn't the right time for that business to flourish. I learned a lot at the time and have moved on. It's time for something new, to the other side of the river, joen toiselle puolelle. Will it be an independent business, or will someone employ me to provide my services? Time will tell. Everything comes together in its own time. Life has a way of finding its way.
Thanks for reading. Have a good day. Pia
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I am decluttering, and here is something I wrote in October 2022.
Change is the only constant in life.
Change is the only constant in life. We all know it. Yet, we cling to what we know and what's familiar, as if our life depended on it.
And on some very old, instinctual level, it does depend on it. For our foremothers and fathers it was a rough world out there, and the need and search for safety was the survival mechanism that kept our ancestors alive. On that very basic level, the easy way to stay safe, or at least not to risk more danger, was to stick to the known. And of course it worked, otherwise You and I wouldn't be here and We wouldn't be wired to resist change as much as we do.
What worked for them must work for us. But. There's always a but. The operative word is "basic".
And on some very old, instinctual level, it does depend on it. For our foremothers and fathers it was a rough world out there, and the need and search for safety was the survival mechanism that kept our ancestors alive. On that very basic level, the easy way to stay safe, or at least not to risk more danger, was to stick to the known. And of course it worked, otherwise You and I wouldn't be here and We wouldn't be wired to resist change as much as we do.
What worked for them must work for us. But. There's always a but. The operative word is "basic".
They worked on basic instinct: listen to your gut, be awake, be aware of your surroundings, in case of of danger, let your system take over, and choose one of three options: fight, flight or freeze. When the situation is over, and you have survived, carry on with what you were doing.
It sounds like Mindfulness to me, the being present in the moment part. And often, we need to re-learn in expensive classes, what they did naturally.
Since those dark days, our Neocortex and what we are capable of doing with it, has developed considerably. Maybe that's the problem. We are our biggest problem.
Since those dark days, our Neocortex and what we are capable of doing with it, has developed considerably. Maybe that's the problem. We are our biggest problem.
And of course we still have our instincts, but over thousands of generations of survival they also got tainted with and blocked by all kinds of trauma. It doesn't matter what the trauma is, be it a war, the early death of a parent, abuse, addiction, an accident, the result is that we are not able to use our basic instincts as they were intended to be used.
We are too smart for our own good, and it shows in our body, mind and spirit. We get sick, mentally and physically. We drag our traumas behind us like a sack of stones and wonder what's wrong with us.
The problem is, that we respond to our interpretation of reality. We take everything personal and feel offended and are unforgiving towards anybody who doesn't share our opinion. We are at war with the world and everything in it, and we over-react on basic instinct. We fight, flight and freeze in the face of what we consider right or wrong and feel justified to do so.
The problem is, that we respond to our interpretation of reality. We take everything personal and feel offended and are unforgiving towards anybody who doesn't share our opinion. We are at war with the world and everything in it, and we over-react on basic instinct. We fight, flight and freeze in the face of what we consider right or wrong and feel justified to do so.
Crisis and Change
Crisis is always an opportunity to change. The world is changing quickly, all the more reason to feel panicky and to react, rather than respond. But that's what we have our Neocortex for.
To think, before we act. To take a step back and to consider, to maybe even change our mind.
Response-ability, the ability to respond.
That's the freedom we have. The freedom of choice. We can choose to be mindful of our surroundings and our reality. If we perceive a problem, we have a choice to double check, accept the reality and find ways to solve any problems. And it seems that many want change, but if you want change, you gotta change.
To think, before we act. To take a step back and to consider, to maybe even change our mind.
Response-ability, the ability to respond.
That's the freedom we have. The freedom of choice. We can choose to be mindful of our surroundings and our reality. If we perceive a problem, we have a choice to double check, accept the reality and find ways to solve any problems. And it seems that many want change, but if you want change, you gotta change.
Muokkaa napsauttamalla tätä.
Right now we are living through times that many experience as overwhelming and traumatic. We fight, flight and freeze. Some fight climate CHANGE, others fight in yet another war, this time in the European region. (Was there ever a time after WW2 without a war somewhere in the world? Was there ever a time without people fleeing their homes and countries somewhere in the world? I am trying to understand the concept of war crimes, to me, war is a crime. Full-stop.) We take flight and escape into addictions and consume. Drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, food, you name it. We fight or freeze in the face of populism, nationalism, racism, sexism, terrorism, isms, wherever you look.
Fear stifles the mind.
I can't escape the news on the war, but I don't have to get absorbed in them either. What you give your attention to, grows. In the 80's in Berlin, where I grew up, there was this saying, "Stell Dir vor es ist Krieg, und keiner geht hin" - "Imagine there is a war and no one goes." I don't go. I don't watch videos or look at photos. They are always a variation of the same and all they do, is feed the fear. Fear stifles the mind. I have learned that there are certain things I can't do anything about, and then there are things I CAN change.
Call Me Pollyanna
The war is real. I can't do anything about it. Climate Change is real. I can do my part. My relationships are real, and I play a part in them.
I want to live a life in peace. I wish peace for everyone. I wish an earth for the generations to come. But peace and caring for the world are inside jobs. The change I am looking for, has to start with me. I have a life with family, friends, neighbours, there is a whole world out there, for me to meet, and to be kind toward. Call me Pollyanna, but I take the right to choose. For so many years I fed on drama, crisis, and pain, my own and the world's, and I got more and more miserable. I didn't know I had a choice. But I do, and I am done with it. Life is too short to be scared all the time. Having a choice is the essence of freedom.
We, who live in this day and age, have the luxury of using our minds before we react out of trauma-instinct. While we use our minds, we often forget to connect our minds to our hearts. Hearts stand for love, Love is the opposite of fear.
Whether we experienced trauma directly or not, we all carry those old stories with us. We heard them in school and in our families. There is nothing wrong with stories, I love a good story, but aren't we, you and me, and humanity as a whole, ready to reflect on them, before we continue spreading their content? Are we ready yet, to let go of those stories that are based in fear and only create more of it? But that's the crux. Unless we detach on some level, take some time to reflect and create a distance between ourselves and the feeling, unless we do something differently, nothing will change.
We have a choice to let go of fear and to choose differently
We have a choice to let go of fear and to choose differently
Another paradox: We want change, but we don't want to change.
We see the state of the world. We are upset and feel insecure about the changes that in the world. We can blame others as much as we like, unless we stop, look and listen at ourselves, nothing will change. We can be and we can become who we really are. We can be as colourful and as grey as we wish to be. And if we are not happy with where we are, we can start the process of change. It's much easier to change ourselves than the world around us.
What we know feels safe, no matter how hellish the known might be.
What we know feels safe, no matter how hellish the known might be. And of course, we won't know anything else, until we come off track, which we won't, because we don't want to take the risk of losing track and feel unsafe and so we continue, ad infinitum.
What astonishes me again and again, that as a result, we stick to unhealthy, unsafe situations, just because they are familiar. Out of fear we close our eyes, ears and hearts and pretend that all is well.
What astonishes me again and again, that as a result, we stick to unhealthy, unsafe situations, just because they are familiar. Out of fear we close our eyes, ears and hearts and pretend that all is well.
We would like things to be different without having to do anything about it. Instead we hope for and expect others to change. In the meantime we keep making the same mistakes, meet the same kind of people and experience the same frustrating situations. We create big dramas and even more suffering by resisting and fighting the inevitable.
Change. When? How? What? Who?
But maybe it's not about not wanting to change. Maybe it's about not knowing that change is possible. Not knowing that we do have a choice and that we bloody well have the right to change, if, when, how, and what we want. There's no "who" in the last sentence, because there's only one who, and that who is I. We cannot change other people, only ourselves.
Changing = Learning = Changing = Learning
We are not alone and nobody is perfect. Phew, what a relief. Some people need to learn to be more "selfish", others need to learn to be "selfless". We all have our own themes in life that need to be addressed. It seems that old patterns of the past repeat themselves again and again in many variations. We keep having the same problems in our relationship or we have the same relationships with different partners. Or, as a friend said, "I keep getting the same girlfriend, just with different haircut." We have certain issues at work, or with our friends. Jf we are not happy, and cannot accept the status quo. It's much easier to change ourselves than the world around us.
Where is the Change going to take us?
I don't know. Who does? All we have is this moment in which each of us can decide what and how we want to be in the world. If and when we change, our environment and our relationships change. Anyone who has learned to express themselves freely and kindly is an example and asset to the world. We don't have to carry the whole world on our shoulders. It's enough to take care of our own package.
Author
Hi, my name is Pia Hyppönen. I have a colourful past, had different jobs since I was 18. I learned something on all of them, but never stayed long enough to have a career.
My business idea started with a name: Holistication (a kind of acronym of my Holistic view on life and my M. A. in Lifelong Learning and Adult Education.)
In the summer of 2021, I moved to Joensuu and looked for a job. The question "What can you do?" got me thinking and I decided to put all the things I love into one basket: lifelong learning, drama, language, encouraging and empowering people, et voilà - Dramatic Language Coaching. The one thing I didn't know anything about was "business". In the past that (not knowing something) would have stopped me. This time I took business courses, visited seminars and started listening to those who know more about the topic.
Over the past 25 years I have gotten rid of my fear of making mistakes, I became teachable and open to new ways of living my life. If I could do it, you can do it too. And if you can't yet, I'll be happy to help you.
None of us is going to get out alive. But until then we can have a life.
My mottos:
Be true to yourself. Love what you do. Do what you love. Today.
Nothing in life is set in stone, once it is, I'm six feet under.